Melt Like Wax

See ya mountains! :)

Life Changes

So, I'm going to India.  In February.  For six months.

I will tell you the whole, entire story soon!!  Right now, I am overwhelmed by God's goodness, grace, and perfect timing.  My words and thoughts are all over the place.  As soon as I can wrestle them to the ground and make them behave like good little thoughts, I will be able to write allll about what has been happening the last several weeks.

Until then...

Life Decisions = Absent Blogger

Sorry for the absence.

I am in the process of making a big decision (cue dramatic music).  But really.  It's a big decision.  I can barely talk about it in real life, so writing about it is not going to happen at the moment.

But trust me.  I'll let you know what's going down very soon--I'm just listening to Jesus right now.  I would greatly appreciate any and all prayers (even just one-second ones) for me to KNOW, like way deep in my knower, what Jesus wants me to do.

In the mean time, check out some of my favorite blogs and read them:

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/

http://kateelizabethconner.com/

http://pearmama.blogspot.com/

http://www.ragamuffinsoul.com/

Or you could listen to the sermons I've been jamming to:

http://www.brookhills.org/media/series/radical

These are literally the most life-giving messages that I have heard in a while.  I like Truth, even if it's harsh because I don't like to be coddled.  I just want to know what's up.  Straight up.  (I know I'm gansta. Don't hate.)

I'll be back soon.  

What would I do?

If I had more strength.  More courage.  If I tapped into the POWER available to me through the Holy Spirit.  How would my life change?

This commercial inspired these questions in my heart.  And I've had some answers, and I was surprised.  I never think of myself as timid or mousy.  But when I thought about the things that make me scared (ya know, those fears that are tucked away and usually only emerge during times of crisis), I realized my life would be different--  perhaps only slightly different, but what if all of those little differences created huge ripple effects to make BIG differences.



I thank the Lord for using even Dove commercials to inspire deep thought on spiritual matters. And let me remember God's words to Joshua, "Be Strong and Very Courageous"  and do the same!

Call me Mary...

Poppins, that is.

This week I have been a nanny to 5 (yep, f-i-v-e) children, every day all day.  From morning 'til night, I was substitute Mom.  The three oldest I sent off to school, making sure everyone had breakfast, had a lunch, and had appropriate clothes (like no swimsuits).  Throughout the day, my charges were a three year old, Noelle and her younger baby sister, Gianna who is 9 months old.

It was entertaining, enlightening, and exhausting.  Serious.


I want to give a shout out to all the Moms out there.  I admire you and thank you.  You are definitely underappreciated.  Well, let me tell you, even from this last week alone: I see what you do, and I THANK you.

II'll give you a glimpse of the week I channeled Mary Poppins:

1.  I have cleaned floors, sinks, noses, faces, hands, feet, and booties. Children are messy, but so is life.  It's okay. Roll with it.

2.  Three year olds say the craziest stuff.  I have laughed at everything this child has said.  She is so precious, making up songs and dancing on a whim.  Maybe I should do more of that...

3.  I have pretended to be an airplane in the yard, Bowser from Mario, and a frog.  Not only have I been the guard of the castle, but also the guard of the stairs.  The baby wants to crawl up the stairs any chance she can get.  So I have to guard them because that's not safe, just fyi.

4.  I praise the Lord above for the Wiggles.  I don't know who you men are, but I. love. you.  With my whole heart.  Is that an exaggeration?  Nope, not in the least.  When I turn on those colorfully dressed, dancing men, the baby and the 3 year old will stop dead in their tracks and sit still.  THAT, my friends, is a miracle.

There were sometimes I felt like it was the easiest job in the world, and there were other times when I thought Mary had the right idea, "just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down..." Where's the Nyquil??  These children NEED sedation.  (Just kidding  people... don't freak.)

Loving my life.  And taking a nice break today... Saturdays are great for that!

I want a garden....

Simply to have a garden gnome.

And name him something like, Rupert or Pip.

Remembering the Sparrows

Our Lord God is a watchful Creator.  He is a caring Father.  I have to remind myself of this often.  When I do, my first thought is of the sparrows.

He knows when a single sparrow falls to the ground (yeah.. check out Matthew 10).  The sparrow was considered a worthless bird.  Back in the day of sacrifices, you couldn't even buy one by itself... you could buy FIVE with half of a penny!!

And our God--our holy, mighty, awe-inspiring, loving, gracious God knows when just one of these birds falls to ground.

How much more does He care about us, His Beloved?  His children?  And how/why do I forget this?  He cares.  He cares about the details.  He cares about my thoughts. motives. actions. intentions.

When I know deep down... the kind of knowing that makes me ache and can bring tears to my eyes...when I KNOW this, then I will fear nothing.  Nothing can harm me except what the Father has known about.

Let not your heart be troubled.
Do not worry.
Fear not.

"His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me."

The Crying Laugh...

That's what I was doing after I watched these. Watch the first one... it's the original newscast. The second one is well... freaking hilarious.

hahahahaha....

annndd you're welcome.

Thoughts on Faith and the Future

There has been so much change over the past few months, I have no idea where to start. I still don't. So I'll just pick up where my life is now, and let your imaginations fill in the gaps.

Friday was my last day at the restaurant, and I have never felt so relieved. I do not know what the Lord has for me Next, so each day is a leap (more like: little hop) of faith...which is precisely how I love to live. Seriously. What an adventure is a life lived with Jesus. I cannot wait to see what happens Next.

There are several options to consider. So for now, I am praying, praying, praying. Asking, begging, seeking for the Lord to show me what to do Next. My post So...What's Next? from several months ago echoes my thoughts right now. I do not know where I am going, but I trust in my Creator to show me and pray, pray, pray.

Here's to the unknown and wobbly leaps of faith.

Words to live by...

"The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet." -Frederick Buechner

"Every element of self-reliance must be slain by the power of God. Complete weakness and dependence will always be the occasion for the Spirit of God to manifest His power." -The O.C. (aka, Oswald Chambers).

Thy will be done.

Excitement

I have officially completed my college career. I now have a Bachelor of Science in Psychology....Neat.

This realization hit me as I was walking to my car, meandering across campus. I suddenly wanted to hug every tree and every person along the way. (I didn't, but I was feeling quite sentimental.)

I also wanted to dance to my car, do cartwheels, and sing loudly. I didn't do those things either. I saw my roommate's sister, Kathryn, so I ran/jumped/flailed wildly up to her and said, "I'm done!"

It is a bizarre feeling. I'm not sure how to describe it. So I'm not going to try.

Just know that I have completed my first degree. Whew.

It is finished.

Laughter

Read this blog.... It has made me laugh until I've cried on multiple occasions.  

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/

Rapists, Murderers, and Spiders

Today was a gorgeous day. After church and Kate and I's adventure through Taste of Marietta, I desperately wanted to be outside. So I decided that I would go to the mountain to study and read. I shot a text to like 10 people to see if anyone would like to join me... no one could. LAME!

Whatever. I was all like, "I'll go the mountain by myself. I don't need friends. I can do this. This is going to be a grand adventure. Just me and the sunshine and the green green grass and my books. YAYYYY!"

I put on some sunscreen, grabbed Pansy (the go-to picnic blanket, courtesy of LB), and got in the car. All amped and ready to go. But then... my favorite field (the one featured in the picture above) was all over grown and the road was under construction. Dang. But the chipper optimist in my head was like, "That's ok! I'll go to the creepy-circle-of-trees field. It's my second favorite."

I parked across the street and started on the path that led to the the creepy-circle-of-trees field. It was a longer path than I had remembered. There I was... surrounded by trees, in the middle of the woods, awkwardly carrying Pansy, my book bag, and my purse (which size is akin to luggage). And my first thought: this is the perfect set up for a murder scene. or rape scene. or a kidnapping... and the list went on and on and over and over in my head until I was just shy of a panic attack, turning around, and sprinting back to the safety of my car.

But instead, I calmed the panicked crazy girl inside of me. Justly stating to myself that there are NOT actually crazy killers lurking in the trees plotting my imminent death. So I kept walking to the creepy-circles-of-trees field, trying to look as normal as possible.

The path seemed to never end, allowing my still slightly panicked thoughts to bombard my mind again. But I finally saw the field and spread Pansy right in the shade of the perfect tree (which is conveniently in the creepy circle)...

I sat, pulled out my computer, and began to work. Enjoying the beautiful sun, breeze, and that fresh smell of spring. And then...I would that terror would fill me. Murderers, rapists, kidnappers....oh my! I would scan the trees, looking intently for any sign human life. No. There are no killers, Lindsey. Get it together. It is OKAYYYY.

Birds, grass, breeze, YES! Loving life.... And then. The spider from HELL decided to pay my blanket a visit. After looking spastic and killing it violently with my flip flop... It was time to leave.

No more outside adventure. No more. Murderers, rapists, and spiders. Nope.

So I ventured inside to the safety and comfort of my car, and headed home.

Ahhh... air conditioning. Then my mom called, "Hey, are you still outside at the mountain? 'Cause I was worried that you would be killed."

Where do you think I get this from.........

Spring and Other Musings

So... the weather over the past couple of days has been spectacular!! I mean, I am a southern girl through and through. I do not like winter. I mean, I love skiing and other snowy activities, but only in short spurts. I love love love summer and fall.

And listen, all of you hot weather nay-sayers, I know that a Georgia summer can be like experiencing the 3rd realm of hell, but it's so worth it....give me flops, cute shorts, and the beach, baby!

The sunny days are not conducive to my academics. I want to do nothing else but be outside... playing, running, walking...breathing.

With the hot weather, water is essential... in any form. Drinking water, lakes, oceans, pools. The one water thing I am most looking forward to: Kayaking. This, rafting, and hiking are all definitely on the Fun List of Fun Activities for Warm Weather. I'm doing these things asap. You should join me.

My cousin, Zach has been rock climbing with his friend Chase. I may try that too... maybe.

YAY SPRING (and Georgia for having hot weather in April)!!!

Healing is in Your Hands

I love this song. It has been my anthem for a few days now. And tonight I needed the Truth behind the song more than I could have known.

I met up with a friend at the shelter tonight (another volunteer that I have gotten to know over the past eight months), and I was so excited because I haven't seen her in several weeks.

I asked how she was doing, and she just started crying. She began to tell me what was happening, and let me just say: Her situation sucks. I mean, it really SUCKS.

And I know the people involved. And my heart is broken; I cried on my drive back home. It's hard to make sense of these things that don't make sense. It made me hate what is evil. It made me hate this fallen, sinful world and all of the deceit that encompasses sin to make seem so appealing.

But... on the bright side: Jesus is the Healer. He will heal these people. He will make good of what Satan intended for evil. He is mender, comforter, counselor, judge, lover, redeemer, cleanser, warrior, conqueror. This is what placed my heart at peace. He will prevail. Mightily. Umm, let me just let you in how cool He really is:

" Now I saw heaven opened, and behold, a white horse. And He who sat on him was called Faithful and True, and in righteousness He judges and makes war. His eyes were like a flame of fire, and on His headwere many crowns. He had a name written that no one knew except Himself. He was clothed with a robe dipped in blood, and His name is called The Word of God. And the armies in heaven, clothed in fine linen, white and clean, followed Him on white horses. Now out of His mouth goes a sharp sword, that with it He should strike the nations. And He Himself will rule them with a rod of iron. He Himself treads the winepress of the fierceness and wrath of Almighty God. And He has on His robe and on His thigh a name written:

KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS."

That's what I'm talking about! My Jesus is a Warrior. He will fight for His people. And I love that... "The Lord will fight for you while you keep silent." I'm praying for the Lord to fight for my friends... for Bob's* addiction, for Mary's* heart, for their relationship...

"No matter where I stand, healing is in your hands... we know that, in all things, we are more than conquerors"

*Names have been changed for the sake of my beautiful friends

Pray This

"My Lord God

I have no idea where I am going

I do not see the road ahead of me

I cannot know for certain

where it will end.

Nor do I really know myself,

and the fact that I think I am

following your will doesn't mean

that I am doing so.

But I believe that my desire to

please you does, in fact,

please you. And I hope that I have

that desire in all that I am doing.

I hope that I will never do

anything apart from that desire.

And I know that if I do this, you will

lead me by the right road though I

may know nothing about it.

Therefore, I will trust you

always though I may seem to be

lost and in the shadow of death.

I will not fear for you are with me

and you will never leave me

to face my perils alone."

-Thomas Merton (1915-1968)

Stop the Bullshit.

Sorry about the title. But really, the bullshit has to stop.

I am so SICK of the lies that go through my mind sometimes. It's those Lies that aren't obvious...the little sneaky ones that sound like Truth at first. Then the Holy Spirit whispers (well, sometimes He/She/Not-sure-what-gender-to-assign-to-a-Spirit has to YELL) the Truth of Scripture. The Truth of Jesus that refutes whatever the crap I've been believing.

At first thought, the sneaky little lies don't seem that harmful. But then suddenly I'm believing and living in this false reality. Usually, these lies have deep roots in my emotions/fragile human state.

Want some examples? K.

That won't happen. I can't see a way for it happen logically, so it will. not. happen.

God doesn't care about what you want. He is just up there waiting to push the chair out from under you the moment you start to sit down...

You really think that Said Boy likes you?! Check out all of those other girls... not. a. chance.

If God loves everyone, then how can He really love you, as an individual? You really think He cares?! There's a whole wide world, why would He want to plan the details of your very small life?

That school won't accept you. The money isn't there anyway. No point. Get a new life plan because the one you have now sucks. hard.

So you know what I've been doing when lies like this (and other variations of these thoughts) come into my mind and basically take over until I have a freakin' MELT DOWN. not that I had a serious major break down or anything like that....

I call bullshit. Bull. Shit. That crazy thought is NOT true.

And then I reinforce that notion with Scripture. Truth. Reality (that doesn't exclude the Reality of the Supernatural MIGHT of Jesus).

It's been really helpful for me.

What lies are you believing? About yourself? About God?

Let's stop the madness. Live in Truth. Let it set you Free.

Peace....

Authenticity

What are you afraid of? Right now?

For me...

I'm most scared of being vulnerable--being open, real, and honest with the people around me. Those people who love me and love Jesus. I know that this is the place where real, authentic community fosters, but it's a risk. Relationship is always risk.

But Jesus asks me to take this risk. "Love one another as I have loved you." With the most service-oriented, sacrificial love. With a towel and a basin.

So...What's next?

This is the inevitable question I've encountered right at 4,257 times over break. And the loving people who ask are merely being polite, trying to make conversation with a soon-to-be college graduate. I, however, am always perplexed of how to answer this question without sounding like a complete moron, shrugging my shoulders and mumbling, "I don't know."

See, my life is very much like Hebrews 11:8. Here, I'll quote it, so you don't have to go look it up.

"By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going."

I do not know where I'm going! I cannot see that far into the future, can you?! So, my pat answer of, "I don't know" is going to be the only one I give from now on. I think the O.C. (Oswald Chambers) says it best in reference to Hebrews 11:8.

"Have you been 'out' in this way? If so, there is no logical statement possible when anyone asks you what you are doing. One of the difficulties in Christian work is this question - 'What do you expect to do?' You do not know what you are going to do; the only thing you know is that God knows what He is doing. Continually revise your attitude towards God and see if it is a going out of everything, trusting in God entirely. It is this attitude that keeps you in perpetual wonder - you do not know what God is going to do next. Each morning you wake it is to be a 'going out,'building in confidence on God. 'Take no thought for your life, . . . nor yet for your body' - take no thought for the things for which you did take thought before you 'went out.'"

So there. I don't know, but my God does. He will tell me a little at a time where to go, and I will obey. It's the greatest adventure...every single day, but doesn't allow for eloquent answers to that question, "So, what's next?"

And I'm perfectly okay with that.

Sorry for the absence...

I have been frantically working on my class blog for this semester, and I have kind of abandoned this one... but I will be back. In the meantime, check out my class blog!!

http://www.lindseysclassblog.blogspot.com

It's pretty sweet. I've really enjoyed writing about my experiences at the shelter. So go read it. :]